i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
