oh fat girl friday strikes again...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
