You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
