your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
