in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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