went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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