i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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