You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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