if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
