There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
