Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize