She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
