i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
