Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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