if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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