I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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