I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
