that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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