Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
