I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
