It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
