You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
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Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
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I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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