also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
