ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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