hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
