I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
