I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
and you fell through a lawn chair
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
