Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Less talking, more tequila
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
