i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
