Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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