So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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