i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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