were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
