guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
