Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
