Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
