I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
