I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
