just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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