"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
