after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
birth control should be required to get into college
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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