I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
