Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
