fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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