He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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