I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I think I died a long time ago.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
