yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
It's never too late to be topless.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
