I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Boobs are out for the taking
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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