do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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