So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
