even my farts smell like vagina
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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