I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
