apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
