my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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