No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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