Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
