This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
