She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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