This girl is more easily done than said...
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
