i need an iv and a liver transplant
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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