I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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