I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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