She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
