i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
only if we run a train.
done.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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