I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
