While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
