Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
